Tuesday, February 20, 2018

the door

i didn't know if it was open or not. a beam of smooth light came through the sides, and I imagined you already in a night gown, laying on the sofa, enjoying the last rays of sun, my vision blind from the excessive light.

I rang. You said come on in, but did not come to open the door. I hesitated. My voice trembled. My body shook. It was not a matter of right or wrong, or not knowing what was on the other side. In fact, it didn't matter what was on the other side: your voice was all I needed to feel warm. It was not a matter of matter, but energy. Would I have the energy to open the door? Would the drop in energy from leaving the door open make the house cold? Would I have the energy to leave when time came?

All woulds, not a single if. I knocked again. I pressed the hand against the knob and turned. And stood at the door step. The light was just like I had imagined. Blinding. But there was no night gown. No voice. No presence.

Just an empty room, getting cold from the open door behind me.

Reality check

Be disciplined, in everything you do. Irrational decisions may lead to different outcomes, but inconsistency will throw you into despair.

Recoil. Retreat. Don’t succumb to wishes, dreams, the ethereal. It simply doesn’t exist.


Desculpa se te usei
como refúgio dos meus sentidos
pedaço de silêncios perdidos
que voltei a encontrar em ti...


Monday, February 19, 2018

Κύριε ἐλέησον, Χριστὲ ἐλέησον, Κύριε ἐλέησον.


Momentos


There you were, two tables across. We sat facing each other. You had kiss me two years ago, cheek to cheek, lofty and in control, as you had been since that last farewell in the rocks by the Ocean. At that time we were close, but didn’t hug. I knew, before you told me. I could not know everything, nor would I have cared.

We bid farewell once, we seemed almost strangers when we crossed paths, and then, we sat facing each other. On opposite sides of the room. Our eyes crossed. They said everything. There was nothing to be said, and still, for a fraction of a second, time stopped eternally.

And that is all that mattered. Time will fly by, we’ll grow old, maybe not know anything about each other, other than through meeting in strange dreams. And still, if we meet, when we meet, silence will speak louder than the imposed distance and scarce words. Time changes nothing. 



So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am


Sunday, February 18, 2018

Everything under the sun is in tune

but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.


Saturday, February 17, 2018

One can’t write directly about the soul

What is happiness, anyhow? Is this one of its hours, or the like of it? — so impalpable — a mere breath, an evanescent tinge? I am not sure — so let me give myself the benefit of the doubt.


Friday, February 16, 2018

moving on

frantically. erratically.



And I know it aches


Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Ausência

Num deserto sem água
Numa noite sem lua
Num País sem nome
Ou numa terra nua

Por maior que seja o desespero
Nenhuma ausência é mais funda do que a tua

old body, weak soul

and a turbulent heart.

Nothing to offer or desirable. 


Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Insane in the membrane



Flashes go by, so suddenly. It shall be sudden, unexpected. I’ll turn my head and on turning back, it will be done. Hunts me, but I need to be strong to face it. My choice, anyhow.

You can have anything you want 
You can drift, you can dream, even walk on water 
Anything you want
You can own everything you see 
Sell your soul for complete control 
Is that really what you need
You can lose yourself this night 
See inside there is nothing to hide 
Turn and face the light

Change is overrated

Life is just as magical if we keep walking down the same path. There is always a new landscape around the corner. The weather will provide us different colours along the way. A lake, a forest, a mountain, the sea are always further ahead, down the road.
In fact, we may not even have to walk at all. We can lay on the floor and look at the skies. Everyday, a bird will fly, flowers will bloom, falling stars will light our imagination. Things around us revolve.

All this is just as good as venturing into the unknown. Unknown which may bring all types of daring, excitement and joy.

I'll think about that joy you are finding, while walking, laying, standing up again. Everyday.


Monday, February 12, 2018

Life ain’t black and white




Sunday, February 11, 2018

Hunted by desire


You can’t turn back—you can’t come back, sometimes we push too far
One day you’ll open up your eyes and you’ll see where we are

Useless feel. Desire never means anything, it is just a void mechanism to stir havoc. Succumbing to it, is losing your heart and soul. I don’t have any of those left. Only a sacred realm saves me, everyday.

But I’m still hunted for visions of what’s to come, fast and furiously. Maybe tomorrow, maybe yesterday, maybe some other day. You, giving yourself to a deserving one or simply a walker by. Doesn’t matter if in pieces or as a whole. That’s how I’m hunted. Everyday. 


Saturday, February 10, 2018

Heart, Body, Soul.

Having your Body and Heart would corrupt your Soul. And no one can have your Soul: your spirit is free, wild, incorruptible. 

Your Heart belongs to someone else: I bring nothing but pain and misery. My Body is old and weak. It does not deserve yours, joyful, fresh, warm, delicate, overpowering.

We are not meant to be, even if my thoughts lie, everyday, every hour, every eye blink through to eternity.

Joe read the letter, and wondered. Not that he cared anymore in light of the recent events. But the thoughts betrayed him: everyday, every hour, every eye blink.

Do you have soul? 
That all depends.

How much did 21 grams weigh?




It's over
You don't need to tell me
I hope you're with someone who makes you
Feel safe in your sleeping tonight



Saturday, February 03, 2018

Tired, exhausted, done.

Não sou nada.
Nunca serei nada. 
Não posso querer ser nada. 
À parte isso, tenho em mim todos os sonhos do mundo.


Friday, February 02, 2018

Next to the blues




Do you want me to make a daisy chain for you
I'm not the one you need
What do you want from me



Thursday, February 01, 2018

Intermezzo

Todo o tempo é de poesia

Desde a arrumação ao caos
à confusão da harmonia


it ain't easy

Lowering expectations.



We’ll both forget the breeze, most of the time. It ain’t easy when everything is clouded, but watching you smile with others tells me what you don’t know of yet.

And I, I will stand forgotten. Fast, and furiously. Should I regret it? I can’t. I shan’t.


Wednesday, January 31, 2018

new skin; a mind I can bear to live in


Watching you dancing with someone else, devoted to a new and energised life, with a long hoped direction. Barely. But I can bear. New Skin for the Old Ceremony.


The bed is kind of narrow, but my arms are open wide.
And here's a man still working for your smile.

T-12


I live on both sides of the mirror
Feel the pain that destruction brings
I want to help put everything in its place
I want to destroy everything

There are cities underneath cities
Cities beneath the sea
In deserted towns and burial mounds
There is beauty that no-one will see
And the magic of stones when taken back home
Is left on the beach

The dead see through the eyes of the living
The dead know all of our names
Powerless to stop us repeating the same
Careless mistakes that they made


Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Exhilarating

from dusk to dawn and back. Life’s a rollercoaster, but not everyone has strong stomachs.

Better to remain in the tarot stand, waiting for the crystal ball.

Finding peace

1. Stop worrying
2. Stop wanting to fix the entire world
3. Stop being naive
4. Start avoiding
5. Start forgetting

Or is this fighting a war?


Monday, January 29, 2018

Au cœur des ténèbres, au plus profond de la nuit

You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward.


Hit by what? Lightning, hatred, disillusion, despair, lack of hope. Foremost, bad people, people without heart or soul.


And still, what actually hurts and brings us to our knees are the others. The ones with heart and soul, that unwillingly find themselves walking on the wire.




Sunday, January 28, 2018

I, You.

both. free, not free. causing pain, not wanting to cause pain.

you, free, now. leaving.

there are pains we don't choose, some we avoid, some we live through.

what one feels certainly changes. pain changes everything.





Não parece condizer com o que ela te diz com o olhar.


Warum

Ja, ich liebe diese Tage, Die man morgens schon vergisst.


I don’t. But my heart tells me you are singing and forgetting. Fast and furiously.


Saturday, January 27, 2018

Get gone

PS. — while I was writing the last page, tear after tear fell on the paper. But I must cheer up — catch — An astonishing number of kisses are flying about — The deuce! — I see a whole crowd of them. Ha! Ha!… I have just caught three — They are delicious… I kiss you millions of times.


The social life turning all upside down and fast forwarding. Don’t know where, how, what, and, foremost, whom. Whom is now reaping the fallout of the seeds I inadvertently sow, grew on their own, I did not protect and left facing the storm. 

It’s best not to know? I don’t know.



Wandering and wondering

What, where, how, and with whom.

When doesn’t matter. It is everyday, day and night, that I think about you.

Suffering

Suffering by antecipation avoids the disapointment when reality strikes.


One day, your words

or, most likely, it won’t even hurt. I hope you don’t have to sing it, no matter how crushing the indifference turns out to hit me: it does already.

Anyhow, maybe yesterday was already the day. It feels like it.
So, let’s dream this is what you are singing right now: I’m selfish for your feelings.



They say time will
Make all this go away


Friday, January 26, 2018

A new dawn

An old place.

By being gone, I’ll never know if and where you went.


Go. Just go.

Broken Saudade

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.


It needs not to happen. Darkness comes to me uninvited, as my naivety allows to believe, expect, endlessy.
When the subtle details come, the crude and ruthless reality is magnified, the emotions overflow, and the glimpse of silly dreams is drown.

I make reality, perhaps, not what it is, but what it’s meant to be. My soul perishes by antecipation, and no one can ever save me from the bits and pieces that are buried. Bits and pieces always remembered, and longed for.

And it lingers. Because, by being gone, I’ll never know if and where you went.


Tired


I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years



Taste the whip, now plead for me


Thursday, January 25, 2018

Grief

here comes the acceptance.
but, was there anything dying at all? why do we grieve over things that are alive?

altruism

i shall look the psycopaths in the eye and tell them what feeling feels like.

i know it changes nothing, but maybe, perhaps, it changes me.

may my misery set you free.

Most of the time II

we’ll both forget the breeze


Despair II

illiterates know poetry through despair.

Despair I

Passion is a poet's drug, and despair his withdrawal.


Wednesday, January 24, 2018

fast and furious

you become so strong outside that your shell grows inwards, till the point where no fragility inside remains. your mind is now sharp serious, so encompassing your heart shifts to a rock. your beauty is that of a fallen angel, from face to toe: ever breathtaking and turning to be even more dangerous than your thoughts.

and, just like a breeze in the summer, you're gone into someone else's arms.


Shivering


the whole day through





Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Striving II

Can a monologue exist if no one is listening?



Monday, January 22, 2018

Inquietação

com tantas guerras que travei 
já não sei fazer as pazes.


Saturday, January 20, 2018

Nada sabemos

Nunca sabremos si los engañados
son los sentidos o los sentimientos,
si viaja el tren o viajan nuestras ganas,
si las ciudades cambian de lugar
o si todas las casas son la misma.
Nunca sabremos si quién nos espera
es quién debe esperarnos, ni tampoco
a quién tenemos que aguardar en medio
de un frío andén. Nada sabemos.
Avanzamos a tientas y dudamos
si esto que se parece a la alegría
es la señal definitiva
de que hemos vuelto a equivocarnos.



Sunday, January 14, 2018

Learn to forget


The Quest

The quest for life takes us into the unknown. And when facing it, all we wish for is finding back our way home.

War and Peace

I have always went where the winds blow. Some would blow East, North, others West or South, and more often than not, I found myself approximately where I started.

Only when moving erractely did I move somewhere, albeit into colder, darker places.


Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Happiness is overrated

People don't realize it is transient.


Saturday, January 06, 2018

It was never fear

it has always been angst. When you start travelling, you never know when it’s going to stop, and I do have my safe harbour. Also, my spirit shall always be wild and free, but my soul is tired and weak. Nothing but Peace nurtures it these days.


Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Most of the time


Could be anyone.