It does not matter
Whether or not the world is a better place after today.
You are not a part of my world, therefore, it is a useless world.
Missing you
Is not an option. Forgetting you is not realistic. Getting in touch is an absurd.
Touching you would be unreal.
In the end
We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
I cant even know if you are there. And even if you'd be, where would you be? You need to be with someone that can be there for you. With you. By you.
Dreams
I now dream about pictures of you. At least they were high definition. And told me you unequivocally you are happy.
So why worry?
Never.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.
Near miss
Always missing. The faint interaction that I want to believe occurs, though with no basis.
Trinta mil cavalos a galopar no peito
E um sorriso só dela
que nasce quando a seu lado eu me deito.
(Sinto-me frágil - so far and always so near, inside me)
I lived.
Even if for seldom moments, even if for the faintest hope that i could make it last.
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
you me and Rome?
You me and everywhere.
Flashing images.
I dream, but do not reach. I try, but it is unfruitful. I lay still and get silence.
After touching you, I think of Narcissus Drowning
How desire is a thing I might die for. Longing a well,
a long dark throat. Enter any body
of water and you give yourself up
to be swallowed. Even the stones
know that. I have writhed
against you as if against the black
bottom of a deep pool. I have emerged
from your grip breathless
and slicked. How easily
I could forget you
as separate, so essential
you feel to me now. You
beneath me like my own
blue shadow. You silent as the moon
drifts like a petal
across your skin, my mouth
to your lip—you a spring
I return to, unquenchable, and drink.
Days go by, still I don't know
I will not have you without the darkness that hides within you. I will not let you have me without the madness that makes me. If our demons cannot dance, neither can we.
A place, a time.
Não havíamos marcado hora, não havíamos marcado lugar. E, na infinita possibilidade de lugares, na infinita possibilidade de tempos, nossos tempos e nossos lugares coincidiram. E deu-se o encontro.
Should be about 9 years
I should have made a wiser decision.
Instead, I started creating stupid, insane, useless boundaries.
9 years after, I remain stupid, insane, and doing useless things.
Believe me.
Trust the over thinker when they say they love you. Believe me, they have thought of every reason not to.
Alone
I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.
Was it unreal?
"I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."
Faster, Higher, Stronger
Yout eyes are tired. But in a parallel universe, I am hugging you, and the nearness soothes the pain.
You are calm, I am calm, we slowly breathe together, eventually in the same rythm. My caresses on your hair lead to softly shutting your eyes and briefly dropping asleep.
I look at you, beautiful, tranquil, an angel. An half awake angel, as you slowly caress my chest through my open shirt. You let a mellow moan out, and stretch, letting your negligee raise up, uncovering almost all your legs. I look at you, peaceful, comforted, willing.
You get your hand back into my shirt, this time, with intent, with your hand open and fondling wider, your eyes closed, a slightly devious fake. I stop stroking your hair, so I can hug you closer, and hold your face gently, my fingers caressing your lips. You bite them tenderly and chuckle. I smile, and we immediately kiss, a kiss as deep as our desire, locking us together and bringing us from the peace, calm and quiet into a joyful turmoil that starts unravelling.
As I bend towards you, your hands unbutton me, and undress my shirt. Your legs whirl around mine while I release my belt and zipper. I start kissing your face, your cheek, your neck, your ear. You hug me tight, and stiffen your legs, locking me, your body slightly trembling. We rotate together, so I sit, and you move on top of me. We get back to a deep kiss, my hands in your thighs, moving through your side, undressing you. As soon as we stop kissing to release your negligee, I immediately suck your nipples, and your moans become strong and uncontrolable. I bite, kiss, let go, start again, stop and go. You hold my head, tilt yours back. You whisper at my ear "come, let's go to bed". I hold you for a moment for a soft kiss, and we stand up. I grab you from behind, kiss your neck, and we rush into the room.
You push me to the wall, lower my pants and kneel, starting to kiss, lick, and admiring the erect bulge in my boxers. You slowly bring them down and I quiver. Your hands move slowly, intently. You lick me from thigh to belly, one deliberate stride that makes me defenseless. I help you standing up, you jump wrapping your legs around me, and I lay you in bed gently while we kiss deeply.
My turn. Moving kiss by kiss, lick by lick, pecking and smacking, from head to toe. I massage your legs, your thighs, move my hands under your underwear, and carefully remove them, kissing and sucking your toes.
You look at me, eyes wide open, the initial moments of relaxation long gone, the desire building up to a pinacle, inviting my head, my mouth, my breathing to please you. I obbey, a slave to your cravings, and start gently gratifying, your trembling increasing, your legs twitching, your hands keenly holding my head in between your legs, moving your head, biting your lips, your soul filled with warmth.
I spend as much time as you covet, until you let out a howl of pleasure and I know my work is done, and you shake and quiver endlessly. I lay besides you and in a moment, you want payback. Determined, you put your hands on my chest, your face adamant, your movements resolute. At that moment, I see no smile, just a staunch look, as you sit on top of me, moving your body unflichingly towards your goal: recover that bulge that impressed you earlier, feel my sex growing, cover my pelvis with all the excitement that soaked your underbody.
Your perseverance pays off, as I harden, thicken until I am as stiff as you wish. And now you let a smile of triumph glow your face. I smile back, and you slow down. Your movement is now a caress against a hard, erect rod, that only so slightly moves to your flow. You raise your legs just slightly. You hold yourself in an upright position for a brief moment. You look at me as if looking for a permission you know its granted. You playfully smile to torture me for another fugacious second. And your smile turns to a seemingly disquieting expression, as you lower yourself and allow my body to slip into yours until we fully connect.
The awe in my face mimics the wonderment in yours, as you bend towards a deserved and wanted kiss. The bend is slow, and implies the first slide. We stay connected as I am as upright as one man could be. Either way, we match entirely. The length of your body, from mouth to hip, and my extension, is the perfect measurement to allow the tip to remain safely enclosed by your warmth. You grab my hands, and I help you sliding back, so we share the effort, in tune, synchronized, enjoying the moment.
I look at you but do not see you, just feel everything. I hear you, but do not listen, the moaning and screaming, and teeth grinding all convoluted to a devilish, ethereal uproar. I touch you, but am blended, our sweat and tears and blood intermixed. I smell you and taste you, exquisite flavours and scents stemming from our act of Love.
We keep going, in what seems like an infinite singularity. Faster, Slower, Higher, Lower, Stronger, Weaker - Better.
You tighten my hand, and relax ever so slightly. And I get the clue. We want to connect differently. We do not need to utter a word, our bodies communicate themselves: you release me, I turn you unto you, I squeeze myself onto you, we kiss, you wrap your legs around me, we reconnect. I stop and look at you, fondly. You whisper words of Love, and then command me not to stop. I oblige, and push myself inside this time watching your reaction carefully. You open your mouth with pleasure, and then bite your lip. I smile. And keeping that image as a reward, I start a fluid, oscillating movement, each time coming closer to your whole body, basculating while your wrapped legs relax to allow myself to go deeper. My chest connects with yours, my head lays besides yours, listening to your every moan, biting your ear, while we listen the syncopated rythm of our bodies slapping.
The intensity grows, the sweat and blood flows, you feel me harder and harder, I listen you moaning stronger and stronger, we desire each other faster, you grasp your fingers on my back, I lift my head, we breathe, you sob, shriek and howl, I roar, we realize we are close to surrender ourselves to the accomplishment we had set our sights towards, I look at you asking for forgiveness, begging for you to let me continue, ensuring you are ready, and you utter a single demand in between sighs of joy: "you can come!". I make my best to still hold, rushing towards the inevitable, and at the exact, precise moment you are expressing a loud cry of pleasure, I mirror the cry, the quiver, the excitement, and release into you my whole, you accept my gift, squeezing me inside so nothing is lost we grab each other, as close as we could be, merging into one, no frontier where one skin starts and another ends, and the rush, the bustle, the haste subsides while we are still moving, relieving each other of the pain and strain, embracing while catching some breath, you saying "thank you", I saying "I adore you", you kissing me erractily, me breathing heavily and falling with my weight on your body, you laughing as another electric spasm of orgasm invades you whole. All energy still lingering, and we fall in a noisy silence, grateful for the Love that is still ongoing.
This time, I am not getting out. I could not stop your tears earlier, but I managed to make you forget them, even if briefly. So I stay inside. You allow me. You want me to want to stay inside you.
And suddenly, I grow again. You seem surprised. But the ecstasy of making you whole again entices me. And thrills you. We want to explore more, and again, out synchronization make the act of Love fluid, continuous, effortless. It no longer matters whether I am inside or not, we want to reconnect differently. I am Adonis you are Aphrodite. I turn you down, I want to feel the raw power, you want to feel my desire.
Looking at the contour of your back, I realize this has to be heaven. How can someone be this beautiful, this perfect, this mine? You look sideways, your hair on top of the pillow, and I see a devious smile. Your bottom lifts and moves to pull me in. Even more seductive, being in a Love making exercise for hours non-withstanding. So, that seduction deserves teasing. I pull your buttocks apart and lay there sliding, while massaging and fingering your back. You extend your arms, relaxed, amused. And then I easily go inside, you still flooding, passionate. We raise ourselves, standing on our knees. I pull you towards me, your back on my chest, my hands on your breasts, my tongue on your neck, my soul on your heart.
We move together, fall, turn, and suddenly you are on top of me facing away. You move wildly, I have a wild perspective. And suddenly I am drained. Drained of negativity, drained of the bad, drained of wickedness.
Everything with you is pure, real, true. And when you lay back down besides me, I know I am next to an angel. We hug, we fall asleep, and we know that it is not a dream.
And all it took was being there. Caressing you.
Writing about it is what is left, besides your silence and my cowardice. It's a parallel Universe, mine is dull and loveless.
Your eyes
Are red and wet. You cannot stop crying. I cannot hug you. You cannot express the choke in your throat. I cannot find the right words. You cannot move, frozen in undefined pain. I cannot reach your inner depths. You cannot even lay down. I cannot even lay beside you.
Can not. Can not. Rather than can and do. What can I do?
I will no longer have the answer
To life, the Universe, anything.
I am thinking I will now be lost, but I already am, since I lost you. Or lost myself from you. Either way: semantics.
I live in the shadows
And I had the chance and threw it away
And it's never gonna be the same
'Cause the years are falling by like the rain
It's never gonna be the same
'Til the life I knew comes to my house and says
Hello
