How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell / How I wish I would save my soul./ I'm so cold from fear.
Every time I shower, I think of sharing it. How it felt like home when we would jump onto the shower together. Better, how you would jump onto the shower to join me, making it steamy, comfy, cozy, intimate.
The warmth, the water flowing, the embrace, the nakedness all came together.
And I miss it.
Can I say so?
He was the Moon,
She was the Sun,
How they shone,
No one on Earth could see.
Місяць на небі, зіроньки сяють.
Тихо по морю човен пливе.
В човні дівчина пісню співає,
А козак чує, серденько мре.
I always imagined you were asking me. I think I am realizing it was a question you were actually asking yourself. Perhaps just trying to get some assurance from myself.
On the other hand, you knew I was struggling, stressed, languid, weak, unable to perform. You made it easy the moment you decided it was time. Your eyes opened as wide as your whole, and enticed me. (Un)fortunately caused you the pain of the unexpected, maybe suffering because we were not at all so sure.
You were not sure, yet you went forward. While I, I keep going backwards. In my mind, in my soul.
You tried to move us forward. And I dragged my feet. You waited, you pushed, you pulled, you walked away and back again. You did everything.
I did nothing. I do nothing. And this is why you keep moving forward, while I, I am here, prostrated.
I would have planned to see the world with you. And I'm sure I would have been stopped in my tracks, because the world you would have planned to see with me would have been breathtaking.
Les feuilles mortes se ramassent à la pelle
Les souvenirs et les regrets aussi
Et le vent du nord les emporte
Dans la nuit froide de l'oubli
The carriage is empty. But on the 4 seater, someone is waiting.
You sit accross, in your skirt and winter collants. Blue merino, what else? Our eyes cross. Sea green against gentle brown. You faint a smile, I feel a rush in my chest. I strech my legs ever so subtely, so my knee touches yours. You immediately cross your legs, putting it safe from harm. Makes me feel like my touch is toxic. While at the time, your perfume pervases your neighbours, of which I am the only one. Unfair. You can reach me. I cannot touch you.
I look out the window trying to put away mu thoughts, but can't help seeing your reflection, your bossom showing slightly through the buttons of the silk blouse. You bend forward. Are you enticing me? Or reaching something out of your reach?
You ask whether you may sit next to me so you may look forward, and your voice reveals angels and devils and wild and serious. I being myself to say yes, and then you are finally next to me after all these years. Your hand abandoned just next to mine. Your breathing, slow, peaceful, convict. Your sillouette looking forward. Your leg crossing, the spear of your shoe touching my leg.
I could wake up, but I refuse. We eventually leave the train, but suddenly you are already in the car, waiting to drive me home. Your skirt covering delicious thighs, your pantyhose hiding beautiful legs. You park as always on the same place. I don't care if there are neighbours, I kiss you once, I grab you twice, squeeze you thrice, and hold you against the wall once the elevator door closes in another long, languid, kiss.
I refuse to wake up, but you vanish behind your door, impenetrable to me. It is open, but I cannot cross it, a void where I hear your voice calling and fading.
And then I am hovering your bed, seeing you in someone else's arms. I cry and sob, but am forced to see you making Love to someone else. Your eyes shouting pleasure, your shoulders shivering with emotion, your whole body exploding in a big, broad Oh!
I cry and I sob, and I cannot wake up. Eternally stuck in my own shell, imagining you.
Are complex, but they sure unleash potential. I dream, I am suddenly finding paths towards you. I dream, I hold you in my arms. I dream, we make love unhindered. I dream, we walk hand in hand.
And what do you dream about? Who fonyou dream about?
Certainly not about me. No matter how much I want it to be true, you are not on the other side of my dream.
Would we have first dinner? Would we start by arguing about what an idiot I am for showing up unnanounced? Would you forgive me and melt, or freeze but succumb to my desire?
Would it be a rush to feel me inside you, or a gentle build up of caresses? Would we scream and grunt, or whisper and moan?
Would I finish inside, or blow up all around? Would we cum together once, or multiple times one at a time? Would we face each other, or would I pound you from behind and bite your hear, grab you close?
Would you let yourself go, or cry of exhaustion? Would I hold you in my arms, or push you around?
Would I leave in the middle of the night, or would you drop me in the morning? Would we give it a chance or curse our falling temptations?
Would you even recognize me? Remember me?
And do you? Do you think of me? How would you look at me right now?
Was always a upheaving moment. Mostly with delicatesse. An opportunity to learn with you how the buttons are meant to be placed. An unveiling of soft secrets. A chance to enjoy a Nirvana with all of our senses, wishes and emotiona in tune.
My fever brings me images of that delight and craves for again feeling that soft build up.
My Flower. My Love.
Banging around, wanting the pain to go.
If only the pain of not knowing would be fixed the same way.
If only that pain would not be self inflicted, unlike these viruses that consume me.
If only I would know there's some eventful moment down the line of life where I see you, hear you, feel you, touch you, hold you again.
If only I would not be such a bastard.
If only I could reach you.
And my head explodes two times:
Today, and every other day anyway.
Well, perhaps it is complex and that's why it can't be simplified.
(My heart has been in disorder since ever, and in the midst of chaos, you helped making it obvious. Not obvious to all, but at least to both of us.
Can't speak for you though. How was it? Always obvious? Just a complicated problem that your analysis skills promptly solved?
At least, you made it seem easy. Doesn't mean it was. Because, sometimes, I could see how bluntly hard it was.)
