Don't worry
Be happy. No strings attached, I left.
What else?
Nothing else.
Never be, never see
Won't see what might have been
What I've felt, what I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free, never me
The mere touch
"Her trust makes me faithful, her belief makes me good. When I am with her, I regret all that you have taught me. I become different from what you have known me to be. I am changed, and the mere touch of Sibyl Vane’s hand makes me forget you and all your wrong, fascinating, poisonous, delightful theories.”
I am corrupted. And missed my opportunity. Now old, decrepit, loveless.
Ora amarga, ora doce.
A cidade está deserta
E alguém escreveu o teu nome em toda a parte
Nas casas, nos carros
Nas pontes, nas ruas...
Em todo o lado essa palavra repetida ao expoente da loucura
Ora amarga, ora doce
Para nos lembrar que o amor é uma doença
Quando nele julgamos ver a nossa cura
Dove sei? Cosa fai?
Chi sei ora?
Too many questions, going unanswered.
I wonder, for instance, that you found happiness: why would you want to let me know? And why would you share your sufferings, your setbacks, your achievements, your accomplishments, your joys and dreams? I'm never with you.
I dread, but I realize it is fair: without me is better. No matter pain, angst, sorrow - without me.
Realization is dreadful. I might not want to be evil, but I was. Surely, no longer am - I am hopefully dissolved.
Flashes II
I wonder, do you think of me still. And if so, the good moments, the ugly sides, or just in flashes?
I will never know. I trust there is always something, hopefully scarce, but still, some reminders of what I was to you. I want to be remembered. I want to have been meaningful, not just through the hurt, but through the good I might have brought. If nothing else, through flashes.
Is this egoistic? Maybe. But sometimes, I am.
(Come over here)
Flashes
Again, through my eyes. I could close them for a long time, and feel your scent as you passed by.
The same scent that was ubiquitous at your home. From the moment I would hug you at the entrance, to the moment moans would turn into whispers, and our bodies collapsed onto each other. That warm scent that would emanate from every pore. Captured by my amplified senses, eager to absorb the perfume of pure Love.
It's lingering flashes I feel. That I crave. That I cannot have, no matter how much I yearn for. That I do not deserve being converted into everyday Light. The Ligth of Joy every moment with you is. Or was? Now that you are certainly lost, better, found, by someone that treasures you.
Will you ever pass by? Will I ever feel that scent again? Will I ever feel, feel that amplification at every stroke, at every exhale of passion while we hug, grind, rub, lick, squeeze, slide, bite, caress, kiss, immersed in the act of Love?
These flashes remember me of the ultimate edge that celebrated the whole. The conversations, the warmth, the looks, the sharing, the silences, the tears, the promises, the findings, the dreams.
That was the whole I remember everyday. They get amplified at every memory. At reading your letter. At looking at the sole message I kept. At viewing the few pictures that I could find.
Flashes: Small sparks causing great fires within me.
Come
Unto me, For me, With me.
I'm selfish.
And thus, you Go.
To him, for him, with him.
You are held by stronger, braver arms.
You find joy. I bear the true loss.
Why the sorrow?
Not even a single picture
No matter how much I remember, vividly, I should have kept my pictures of you.
I should have taken them. And I should have kept the ones you sent, meant for me. They are mine as well, somewhat.
Did you keep the ones I sent, meant for you? Probably, deleted, archived, sent to the hell of digital storage.
I deserve hell.
No cure
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.
I can no longer sense you, I no longer have a soul.
5 layers
You would be vulnerable only when our love was protected.
There was the door to your building. Then the door to your house. The door to your room. The door to your bathroom. And finally, you would enter the bathtub where I'd be refreshing, close the curtain, and silently, naked, look for a hug under the steamy water.
4 doors and a curtain. Isolated from the world entirely, just the two of us. Making our feelings vulnerable, comforted while cocooned from the world.
Random Access Memories, showing up every once in a while.
Miss you.
Lábios de Silêncio
30000 cavalos a galopar no peito.
Um sorriso só dela.
And I am not laying next to you so that smile rises.
Stupid me.If I could be that guy
Instead of me.
Confident. Brave. Daring. In awe of your beauty. In mad Love with you.
That guy is I. And I can't raise to become him. Never let you down. Moving hills to be with you. Dare to make dreams real.
And yet, I ain't.
Let's
And yet I hide, and don't run to you.
We never truly danced. Once, you bumped into me. And I ran, I was scared. Rather than grab you, hold you, spin you, melt onto you. And yet, I dream we dance often.
Arrival of loved ones
I can see the butterflies, the shine on people's eyes, the emotion of that first hug after the time spent on a plane, maybe after a lifetime away.
And yet, you do not come through the door. And I can just recall what a beast I was for not giving you that feeling, always running away, always ingrate.
You should be picking me up
instead you're dragging me down
You're flying over my head,
you're landing all over town
How would we celebrate?
Grandly.
I treasure every moment, but those on which you where high on happiness and joy, my, oh, my!
Слава Україні!
And when you're far away / I still feel it all
Needing you now to come into me
Feeling it slow, over this dream
Touch me with a kiss
Feel me on your lips
Goodnigth, sleep tight. *
Going through England's gentle rolling hills
Remind me of my fingers sliding through your naked gentle curves, from hair to toes.
The streams remind me of the sweat I would use to draw throughout your body.
The cobblestone, the strength of your embrace.
The warmth of the people, the comfort of your smile.
The light, the sadness in your eyes.
Good ol'England. That never have I ever strolled around with you.
Do you still dream of me?
Sometimes it seems so real, I can feel the smell of you waking up in the morning, I can see you stretching and smiling, I can whisper "good morning my angel", I can kiss you.
The most wonderful kiss - warm, cozy, whole - The summit of Love.
And I swear I am awake. Only then I stare at the void, and miss you even more.
I could call
You might answer.
And then ask "what are you doing?". I would not know what to answer, and would not be able to show you - i would not be around the corner.
radio silence
fewer and fewer insights into you. You fade from my life, but you do not fade from my heart and soul.
And it would be so easy to just say a word. give a hint. It would also be unfair, so I cannot do so.
My loss. My choice.
Never have I ever
Watched a sunrise with you.
Travelled on a plane with your head on my shoulder.
Saw you riding one of your beloved horses.
Went to a theater, a concert, a movie with our hands held together.
Shared those small things that make life worthwhile, joyful, meaningful.
How stupid was I? My loss.
(Not even able to just say an hello, not even able to know how are you, where are you, who you now are. Not even a remote hint. What a complete loser I am.)
Covered by the blind belief
Who am I, what and why?
'Cause all I have left
Is my memories of yesterday
Oh, these sour times
'Cause nobody loves me
It's true
Not like you do
Sometime, someday
It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat
You have truth on your side
I only have deceit
I travel the world, and no matter how many airports I come across, what are the odds I come across you? And what would happen then? A smile? A head turned away? A formal compliment? An heartfelt hug? A long conversation? A piercing look?
England's calling, and yet, I'll have no time to seek your beloved countryside. I'll know you drove through those roads, dwelved into manors. And now, there's no longer sharing those passionate endeavours on the open, rolling hills.
You opened your world to me. Showed me there's more than meets the eye. And now, I'm blind to your life.
And, in punk english: it sucks. But it was me choosing deceit.
And when i spent time focusing on something else
There comes the dream, reminding me again that there's no chance to forget you, making up places and times where we are happy again, and together forever.
I wish I would not wake up.
Memories
You invited me to your room. Opened the door, we layed on the bed. For the first time, fully naked, side by side, embracing. My heart racing, my soul pounding.
We were past flirting. We were past mistery. We were past innuendos.
Our skins touching. Our lips biting. Our hands holding.
You interwined your legs onto mine, I grabbed your bottom, kissed you deeply. Bended towards you then flipped around to have you on top of me. On purpose. I could feel your warmth, remembered your previous words "I don't steam, I flood". It was the first time you were sitting like that, completely bare. You looked at me, surrendered, joy trespassing every fiber of your body. It was the first time I felt you with this intensity. And then you moved. You had moved before, but not with such delicacy and assertivity. We were not one, but were connected, rubbing our bodies, feeling the warmth, feeling the roughness, flooding onto each other. I can't remember if we said words, we probably did, enticing each other, staying so close to the unsurpassable limit, playfully provoking, gently tempting, knowing that allure could happen anytime but maybe not there and then. And we did not need it anyhow. We were in ecstasy. Forever we had been telling each other "don't stop": there and then didn't matter.
You led me to the limit. Showed me the prelude to perfection. There was no painful look in your eyes, the kind that a few days later led to ulterior superlatives.
It was good. So good. There are so many memories of softer moments, where Love does not express it self physically.
But there are these memories as well. And they come as I come. Can't help it.
Should I be ashamed? Should I regret it? Should I hide them? Should I run away from them? I just can't help it. And I know, if I ever came across you, I won't help, in the flurry of the moment, that that memory may overwhelm my politeness, my behaviour, my will.
Damn, do I miss you for a million and yet another reason.
Como no som do Jay "I Still Can Smell You In My Clothes",
A melodia do teu riso - digna de um Fender Rhodes
Mergulhei nos teus cabelos de ouro, grandes, ondulados
nadei no teu sexo até ficarmos esgotados
O suor passeava do teu corpo para o meu do meu corpo para o teu
já não sabia se era eu
quem gemia, estremecia, a carne não adormecia
e de repente, a noite ficou dia
Lá fora o barulho já acordou a cidade
e a fantasia deu enfim lugar à realidade
Carrega stop, faz rewind, por favor, volta para trás
não quero sair daqui, nunca mais, não sou capaz
Quero
Ficar contigo, agora e para sempre
Nadar no teu corpo - eternamente
Teus sonhos os meus serão
Meus sonhos os teus serão