Explanation

On how we lived through wuthering heights. 

When we abandoned struggles and made simple decisions, we shone and decided swiftly towards advancing our Love.

But this only happenned because we understood the complexity we brought upon, tried and failed, spoke and debated, experimented with each other often. And sometimes, in face of medium agreement and medium certainty, took risks, leaps of faith. 

And of course, a lot of times it was chaotic. Those were hard. Not knowing where to turn, what to do, and just try to sort it out somehow.

It's a great graph. Only gap to explain everything is that it does not reflect where we are - the void, the emptiness, the desolation of a certainty we have to which we have to agree. At least, there should be uncertainty as to whether we'll ever see each other again. Or disagree and not to accept where we are. 

But somehow we came to this: no strategy, no purpose, no results. We stopped being a ongoing concern. 

And that in itself, brings turmoil and chaos to my inside. But I guess for you it became simple from the moment I went away.

 

So real

It was so real indeed.

That's why I do not know how to turn around and stop dreaming.

If I called

Would you pick up the phone?

If I wrote, would you reply?

If I smiled, would you whisper any words?

If I held you close, would you welcome the embrace?

"Ask for an introduction."

Well, absolutely none of those would be of any help.

In the middle of the world's turmoil, the most absurd are these small moments of digital imbecility. 

The clouds resembled mountains

The journey seems like heading through similar landscapes, full with fields and cattle.

However, it is clear I am heading nowhere, and with no one. 

There are many things that I

Would like to say to you

But I don't know how

Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain

Desperately in need

Of some stranger's hand

In a desperate land

This is not the End, because it ended too long ago. In fact, I recall you saying it never even ever started.

Temple of Love

And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how

Vanished

You are ever vanishing. I don't even want to ask why. 

Be happy. Be joyful. Be whole.

I'll suffer for us both. In despair, sad, ripped apart.

Few words remain

And fade

Caring

But careless.

Then careful.

Finally, carefree.

And no more caresses.

(Lonely, abandoned, unable to reach out, blocked by your iron silence.)

Love

Does not always win.

Tomorrow

Is just another day.

Today

Could have been just another lazy Sunday.

We care about you and your memories

The paltry memories I can't even share with you.

Thirst

'Tis a flower dying in the desert

(No tryst)

Sliping through so many holes i left behind.

Sliping through the fingers that would not hold

Your hand, your soul, your mind

My loss, my despair, my fold.

No summer breezes

 Just dark, cold, rainy autumn gusts.

How are you?

where are you? 

with whom are you? 

what are you doing? 

what do you want to do? 

where do you want to go? 

for whom are you going? 

what do you want to do where? 

where are you going with whom?

how are you going to do what with whom where?

Piercing questions that just pile on and on and on.

And always, unable to ask them.

One day I wonder if I could ask them. 

But then, the question that you would ask me always, lingers: "What do you want from me?"

That is why I will always refrain from the simplest of questions that I should not hesitate asking: "how are you?"

Can I?

Should I?

Lean on

rain falls as if there's no tomorrow. perfect setting to curl unto your arms. drink tea, embrace, make Love. and realize everyday you were the one to lean on.

Not easy

"It’s not easy to find someone like that in this world. I mean, what am I supposed to do when I have a big victory or a terrible loss and the only person I want to run and tell isn’t there?

What am I supposed to do?"

You look lost

Well, I am.

Lost for you, I'm so lost, for you

Never have I ever played guitar under the moonlight with you. I wonder if you would have liked it. 

I know that even if you would not be thrilled, you would still put your head on my lap, close your eyes, ask me to play gentle, and feel comfortable as we were together. Just like any moment of calm: You would never fall asleep, just absorb that closeness, with me stroking your hair, immersed in the soft lines of your face, looking at your beauty in awe.

Not sure though whether you want me to play. As for me, I love those moments. The ones we did live, and the ones I can only dream of.

Memories

O God! Can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Not curly

But I know you could metamorphose in whatever you wanted. And yet, raw and wild was your beauty, no matter how transformed during your enactments.

Up before the dawn

Over and over, when all I really wanted was to enjoy your nearness.

To wake up with you slowly. To tell you, with the morning sun rising, that I love you.

But every time, I was up before the dawn, like a sneaky stranger. 

Cursed be I, forever.

The build up

To orgasm was an orgasm itself. I could see it when we were facing each other, I could feel and hear it when facing your back.

In those exact moments we were always in tune. There were no questions, no philosophy. It was the perfect blend of physical and emotional, a real nirvana.  I was naturally prolonging the feel, you would be fully relaxed and open, not accelerating, and we, at times, would go on for what seemed like an eternity. I could swear time stopped at times: when looking at you and your mouth would open in awe, almost no sound, as an intermezzo to our Love making, when feeling you precum, your hands tightening the pillow, grabbing the sheets, sticking your head back, forth, sideways in a clear demonstration of the intensity we were going through.

The sweat, the heat, the wetness, and mostly, the surrender, made us enjoy, live those moments as the ones we had put our heart and soul to reach. Basic, raw, simple, but of a utter elevation simple because achieving those moments required Trust, Will, Hope. In a nutshell, was there not Love, they would be basic and raw. Because there was Love, they became light and pure.

The release that eventually followed, inside, onto your body, (sometimes, uncontrolably everywhere), was not an orgasm, was just a the culmination of the orgasm we had just been living. A prize of zest for a work well done, a shared effort that made both happy.

And if there was orgasm in the prelude and intermezzo, the actual one was the grand finale: seeing the joy in your eyes, the murmur of satisfaction, the follow up kiss confirming what we already knew: we came together over and over because it was not about a moment, it was about us feeling together, enjoying together, living together, being together.

I still wonder how you are building up in your life nowadays. How are your orgasms, and whether they are as meaningful. How satisfied others can make you. Whether there are the same sparks, the same joy, the same light when you climax. As for me I have the answer, as for you I guess I never will.

I focus on the pain

I try hard to think about imperfections. Anything I may hang to to forget. 

Your voice on the phone was raspy. 

Whenever you focused on work, you would disavow any incoming distraction.

You would not let your guard down most times. 

Then I realize. I try hard, and even then I make no sense. Those are not imperfections, are just additional reasons of why I fell in Love with you.

(You were not perfect either. You were simply perfect for me)